Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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