I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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