People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
