I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
