He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize