Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
