i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
this will be a night to untag.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
