They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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