Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
