Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
