we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
