Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
