Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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