I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
