I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
