i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
