I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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