I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
