I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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