Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
