I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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