How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
