saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Randomize