Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
