i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
