I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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