FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
