He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
