im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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