I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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