Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it glows. i had to have it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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