I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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