Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
