You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
