He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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