A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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