There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
