I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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