My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
