I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
