btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
