Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
