I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
