Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
