i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
