i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
