I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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