I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
