I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
