He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
