You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
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