and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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