She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
