my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
