College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
