You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
