Pregnant stripper...not hot.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
