I don't think brook has ever known best
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
