theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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