VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
