Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize