We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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