Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize