dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
