I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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