Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
