so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
