So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
