He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
