We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
