i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
