so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
