Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
